blood

with another nightmare my body jerks

a hitched breath, my throat choking in on itself

every muscle in my body hurts 

the root of my torment claws at my shoulders

digging deep, exposing the muscle underneath

the scars might never heal

the screams of my pain sustain him for life

every conversation ends with another fight and

my reflection staring at me with bloodshot eyes

with sickening conviction i admit to despising him

while my heart deceptively starves for his love

there is no cycle worse than the one

of the manipulative wolf

and the lamb it raised to be slaughtered

or the man of a frightening disposition

and his good for nothing daughter

he stains his teeth with the crimson of my blood

and he hurts for everyone but the ones he should love

and i wish poison ran through my veins instead

i wish hurting myself could hurt him

so i could hear him choke on the qualities i inherited from him

like his rage and his wrath

and the inability to see the good in him

i despise him and his blood anyway

i wish i could snap my rib cage open and rip my heart out of my chest

and drain my body of his blood till nothing but skin remains

maybe i was doomed from the day i was born

i knew it when he'd hurt and i'd feign ignorance

i'd hope he'd hurt just like i did

i wish i could bring myself to forgive him

this emptiness in me is the fruit of his deeds and not my own i suppose, that's what i tell myself

i know writing is meant to be cathartic 

and these words come from the depths of my soul but

they offer me no solace 

-Sarah Khan